I wasn’t always this lazy. Once upon a time I managed to keep the house relatively tidy AND go to a full-time day job. But the years haven’t always been kind, primarily health-wise, and laziness and depression have gotten far too intertwined for me. I know I’m far too young to keep this level of inactivity permanently, especially as a mother of three boys.
This house is a perfect example. We have been back in the house for nearly a year and there isn’t much on the walls, unless it’s a spot where we forgot to take down a nail. The foyer, pictured here, is devoid of anything welcoming. The mirror that used to hang over the foyer table is sitting precisely where I put it probably seven or eight months ago, on the far side of the table. In fact, those shoes by the doorway? They are still there from when we got back from the beach, the night we watched the fireworks on the lake. That was nearly a MONTH ago.
There are perfectly logical reasons all this has happened and I’m done being hard on myself about it. There’s no reason to wallow in pity, but it is time to change these habits.
The damage goes far beyond the lack of a neat home, too, and I am working on changing exercise habits now that I finally feel like I’m healing from the c-section. I had no clue that a full recovery from that surgery would take six to nine months– that part I do wish I’d been better prepared for, in my mind at least. And, Jared and I are actually communicating for the first time in what feels like years… it’s good to feel that connection again. Those stupid tattoos I got a few years ago? I’m totally ready to have them removed even if it won’t happen for a long while due to cost issues. I feel like my old self for the first time probably since Liam was born….though, being about forty-five pounds overweight, I feel like I’m wearing a fat suit. Definitely time to work on that.
And those worries about the baby? I should have known he was far too related to his big brothers for me to worry as much as I have. Turns out that Oliver’s head circumference is in the 98th percentile….98th PERCENTILE. And, he’s in the 95th percentile for length. The doctor said his head was still wobbly because his neck muscles have to work harder than most kiddo’s have to work. So she wasn’t surprised he was still wobbly, and that wobbly seems to get a lot better every day.
I swear if I didn’t know better I’d think he was saying, “Mama,” already, particularly when he wants something. And I’m not the only one: Jared has heard Oliver say, “Mama,” too, amongst the baby babble. This one is ready to be on the go as soon as possible and when he’s not asleep he’s tossing or turning or sitting in my lap, practicing holding that head up. Those favorite baby months of mine, when he can sit up by himself but not yet crawl, are just around the corner, I know. Since the doctor gave us the go-ahead to start baby food, Oliver took his first taste of applesauce last night….he didn’t think much of it at all, and I don’t think he swallowed much.
Big boys start school in a week and a half and we are all ready, especially the boys. I didn’t think we’d keep them at home with me all summer, but here we are in the very last of the home stretch. While there have been their fair share of video games, the boys managed to go to the beach and to go to a day-camp, as well as visiting Grandpa Keith and Grandma Robin and a day-trip to the zoo, so I think it’s been a far more productive and fun summer for them than the last one. I hope the years continue to progress positively like that, even if we’re only taking baby steps.