I’ve been depressed. The melancholy developed into a full-blown depression. No good reason. Except, I haven’t been eating the best and haven’t been exercising as much as I was for a while.
The reality is, I’ve been in contact with the high school boyfriend (with my husband’s full knowledge of all communication) for several years. I recently ceased contact and that cease of contact has me depressed and doubting myself.
I know that healing had long stalled and that it is good for me to have stopped that relationship/ faux friendship, but there is something in my brain that makes me feel like it was a real friendship and that I didn’t have to stop talking to him.
However, my husband has a different take. The high school boyfriend is not at a good place, with no degree, no real job prospects beyond entry level customer service, and the husband thinks that I only really relished in talking to the high school boyfriend because it made me feel better about my own life. Which, admittedly, is probably true.
And so, I feel more isolated now that I am not talking to the high school ex anymore. But, the bandaid of the old abuse stories has been ripped off. And the faux friendship is over.
My husband says my ex lost the right to know what is going on in my life twenty years ago when he violated me. And I know he is right, in my head, though my heart wishes something else were true.