I am done making comparisons of my life with other people’s lives. It has made for much unhappiness.
I’m Jared’s wife.
I’m Porter, Liam, and Oliver’s mom.
I’m a photographer.
I’m also a person who overcomes a lot of jumbled up thoughts and emotions that rule my brain, just in order to function. Medication help me in this effort.
None of that defines me. This moment defines me, my actions define me.
I’ve taken up meditation the last several days. Looking inward, I’m finding more reason and more motivation to work on this living space of ours. I’ve done laundry three days in a row– doesn’t sound like a tremendous feat but it is, for me. I’ve cleaned toilets. I’ve cleaned floors three days in a row. I took Porter and Oliver to the shoe store and bought myself and Oliver each new shoes– much needed in both cases.
I’m functioning. That means I’m succeeding.
As I find things to work on around the house, I am remembering the pride that comes with taking care of one’s things. This is a beautiful house with tremendous potential.
Having left full-time work, I was really worried that I would let the void consume me with depression. And I guess it did, for a couple of weeks. I think I am over that hump, though, and back to realizing the value in having time for self-care.
I value minimalism for the fact that it teaches me to really examine whether I need to make new purchases and it teaches me to value the things I choose to surround myself with in our home.
At heart, though, I am not sure that I am actually a minimalist. There’s more gray to life than bare minimalism, as I see it. I’m finding less reason to just throw so much of my belongings by the wayside. Especially given that we actually do have room for the things we have, aside from a couple of pieces of furniture.
Back in the fall, we purged the house of a lot of belongings and stored them in the garage, waiting for yard sale time in the spring. I cannot count how many times I’ve gone to the garage to retrieve some belonging or other.
Time for… less comparisons. More photos. Less judgment, more crochet. Less self-pity, more coffee.