So Gail didn’t touch the front really at all but she did clean up the back quite a bit. I think it looks cute. Best of all, I just have to make it to March for another cut– it’s already scheduled. So I have that hanging over my head so that I don’t go cutting on it myself.
December 8, 2018
I’ve been doing home hair cuts with the clippers on the back since July. But it’s getting so long in the back that it looks way funny now. I am really past the point where I should be doing home hair cuts anymore.
I don’t really want to lose any length off any of my hair but it really needs to be cleaned up since I’ve done the home cutting thing. So, I have an appointment this afternoon.
I am resigned to the fact that I will lose a lot of length off the back since I have been using the clippers so high. It is what it is. At least I have a kick-ass stylist.
December 5, 2018
Today is the last day of my photography business. I wrapped up the last business this morning and have already begun steps to dissolve the whole thing. I stopped taking new jobs weeks ago but I had one last wedding this past weekend to shoot and those photos went out this morning.
It is with a full heart that I have closed this chapter of life. I have photographed 14 weddings in the past year and a half. I photographed one proposal, and many family sessions, several engagement sessions. It was a privilege to participate in those families’ memories. I realized that dream of being a wedding photographer. And if I truly believe what more than one bride told me about it, I was pretty good at it.
I wanted to be a professional photographer to lend legitimacy to my endeavors with my camera. It was never about the money.
What I have learned is that I have legitimacy with my camera as an amateur, taking pictures of my boys. There’s a lot that’s right about documenting my family’s journey.
There’s also a lot that’s right about accepting my own limitations and the reality is, I have tangible limits that are incompatible with an occupation that requires so many late nights and off-routine hours.
I hope to start a new series of personal projects in my fresh retirement. First up is documenting my house.
November 15, 2018
Ten days ago, I decided I’d had enough of our dirty, messy house.
We rearranged two rooms. We rearranged wall hangings. For ten days, I took room by room and decluttered. I dusted. I vacuumed. I swept. I’ve kept dishes and laundry going.
Ten days ago, I was depressed. Ten days ago, I decided to do something about it.
I don’t know how to describe the mental headspace having our whole house clean and neat and straight has given me. Serenity is the closest thing I can come to a description. I feel like I can face the world. I am no longer depressed. I feel a sense of pride in my living space and belongings. I feel a sense of pride in myself.
I am under no illusions. I understand habits have to change. I understand that in order to maintain my serenity, I will have to work daily. I am ready to commit to that change. I’ve already kept the sweeping up for a week and a half, almost, daily. I feel ready for this change.
It is almost intoxicating, the balance this clean space brings to my brain. I am thrilled.
Must remember this on harder days.
November 13, 2018
That pretty much says it all. I am in love with this Minolta MD Rokkor-X 50mm f1.2 lens. It makes me so happy.
Photography continues to save my life. I am so fortunate to have access to the tools I have to be able to do my hobby– which is more than a hobby. It is my lifeline to happiness.
October 31, 2018
I’ve been sitting here for a while, lulled into peace about closing the photography business, happy I am still going to be a hobbyist photographer, and also knowing that the past year has drained much of the joy I feel out of photography.
I recently did a project for an artist friend, taking pictures of her own artwork for use for her website. The project was fun from start to finish. And despite her offering, I didn’t let her pay me. I’d taken on the project because I believe in her artwork and wanted to do my part to help her succeed, and that was enough for me to put my own effort into it. It’s so strange… for so many years I felt like I wouldn’t have “arrived” into my art unless I could sell it for money. But with my experiences since April of 2017, I am coming to see that in placing a monetary value to my art, it limited my photography’s value in my own eyes. Somehow, my photography now feels more valuable to me when I get to choose my projects, for the intrinsic value of believing in the project. I get to control the value of the photography when I choose which projects to take on, and I always crave control.
In that vein, I am going to take on a period of limited use of the autofocus lenses. I am serious about fine art documentary photography, and I’ve been reading about the slow photography movement. Slow photography is about studying subjects and focusing more on the experience of photographing the subject, less on the volume of output. More studied outcomes, less spray and pray. Manual focus requires a different set of skills than simply frenetic looking for the “moment.” I’m interested in learning more about zone focusing for my photos of the boys, for example.
For the next few days, that single 50mm prime lens will be my parents’ Minolta 50mm MD Rokkor-X f1.4 lens that they more or less let me “permanently” borrow. However, Jared let me have my 2018 Christmas present nearly two months early and I now have a Minolta 50mm MD Rokkor-X f1.2 lens on order– a thrift store find at a phenomenal price. When it arrives, it will be bolted to the X-T2 for the next six months, aside from the wedding in December or other projects for friends that may come up. We’ll see what comes out of the project trial.
October 24, 2018
I start every day with a large cup of coffee. I don’t feel awake at all unless I’ve had it.
My coffee of choice currently is a budget indulgence but it doesn’t feel like a sacrifice. I drink McDonald’s McCafe Breakfast Blend. Good stuff. I use my pour-over Bodum system, which I’ve talked about before. I do choose to use a paper filter in addition to the system filter because I found the coffee too thick otherwise.
As I said, good stuff. I won’t be willingly without it.