faith Archives - Rainbow Tulip

Miscellany and Summer

May 15, 2019 Leave a Comment

I have been avoiding the blog because I have been ruminating on nothing in particular. This has taken the form mostly of painting my house. I painted the foyer and upstairs hallway and my uncle B painted the stairwell. We have replaced three light fixtures in the house, including the one on the stairwell. I love my house now, and in this phase of life, there’s very little left that I want to do to it other than keep it a good bit cleaner on a regular basis.

I haven’t been journaling much, either. I have been trying to think as little as possible and have been trying to live in the moment. I have also had very little energy because I am pretty sure my thyroid levels are off, maybe way off. My endurance is extremely low. I have been wanting to get back into my yoga routine but knowing that I only have endurance for short sprints of it at at the time has made me throw it to the back burner altogether in favor of sitting in the recliner. I recognize it is not a healthy routine to be in.

School gets out this Friday, May 17 and I am woefully unprepared for the onslaught of three little boys at home all the time. I’ve done no planning. It may be a lazy summer of insisting that the boys play out in the yard, or it may be a video game summer. We had one of those in 2013. I can’t tell just yet.

Mother’s Day came and went and J and the boys got me these beautiful flowers that are still beautiful two days later. I am a lucky, lucky woman to be doing life with this family.

I need another project….I am burning out on the 365 project. I’d love to figure out something to write about on the blog, or maybe I just need to say to hell with it and just journal, only journal on the blog. A thought.

Lots

March 31, 2019 Leave a Comment

Oliver turned five a week ago. This precious baby is no longer a baby. Jared took snickerdoodle and sugar cookies to O’s classroom and we had a family party. Six balloons courtesy of Grandma and Grandpa are still in his room.

I started an antidepressant about three weeks ago. I decided to stop fighting the acknowledgement the fact that I have turned into an utter mess, and try to do something about it. I am still not exercising or eating much better, but I am at least religiously taking my mood stabilizer and my antidepressant.

I did decide to re-open the photography business. I’ve had enough inquiries come in to know that I can do occasional gigs, and I don’t have to throw myself into advertising to build business. I know the volume of work I can handle– not much– but it’s significant enough that it is worth the effort to be legit. So I did it. The 365 Project continues at http://caroline.photography.

March was an eventful month. It may be a turning point for a new phase of life, if I can maintain upward stamina. I woke up before 4 am this morning, which is not good news, but given how much I have been sleeping over the past couple of months one short night of sleep is not the end of the world.

It is spring break, and we are doing daily little things with the boys instead of a big trip. Today is a trip to Cheaha State Park in Alabama. Monday will be a rest day as Jared has to go to work and I really hope I come through and do laundry like I plan to do. Tuesday is Jared and my 14th wedding anniversary, and the boys will spend the night at Grandma and Grandpa’s so we can go on a date. Wednesday is Panola Mountain State Park. Thursday is going to the movies, probably to see Captain Marvel unless they go with Grandma and Grandpa on Tuesday night. Friday is bowling, and Saturday is an all-day board game fest.

It was important to me that we plan out some fun things to do, to look forward to, each day. It was important as a mom for me to give those boys a feeling like they did something with their spring break instead of just feeling stuck at home, but it was also important to my own outlook on the week.

An End

January 24, 2019 Leave a Comment

Endings are hard.

I’ve been down because someone I once loved is going through something terrible. And as much as I want to help with their situation, I can’t. And I am pretty sure they are shouldering the whole situation alone. And because I can’t help with certain things and because they are also shutting me out, and also because it’s a SNAFU anyway that I am in contact with this person, I am having to back away from the friendship.

I know that is cryptic. It’s the best I can do for now. One day I hope to be able to put words to my feelings here in public like I can in my trusty journal. Would make for much more interesting reading for anyone that stumbles across this lonely little blog.

So I spent this morning wallowing in self-pity. I have tried to pick myself out of it this afternoon, but I can feel the depression oozing into every orifice. And it is hard to stay out of bed.

I just need to remember how wonderful my life is and appreciate it. Move on, think less. Love on my boys, love on my Jared. Sweep the floor, brush the dogs. Do instead of ruminating.

Commitment: Mindfulness

January 15, 2019 Leave a Comment

I’ve lived in the past in my mind for more of my life than not. It has been a source of much pain and heartache.

However…

I am making a commitment today to be much more mindful of the present, in the future.

I have an incredible life. I have three healthy children and a husband who dotes on my every whim, practically. I have a beautiful home and reliable, trendy transportation.

I am blessed with the opportunity to use top-of-the-line photo gear as my gear of choice in my photo pursuits. I’ve had free range over the years to explore the lenses out there and have settled into the lens set and the cameras that I love.

We have two healthy, wonderful dogs that keep us entertained and love on us when we are sad or sick or when we just feel like cuddling or playing.

We have food in our pantry and refrigerator. We have working appliances. We have the luxury of things like good health insurance.

I have four good girlfriends who have proven they are true friends and will be there, in good times and bad.

I need to remember these things and keep them at the front of my mind daily.

I need to remember that I am not defined by my past. Every day is a fresh start to do something good with my resources at hand.

I can look forward, resting easy that the past is done.

I can be mindful.