I am making a concerted effort to break out of this nasty depression.
I made an agenda yesterday.
I got up when I woke up without my alarm at 5:15 this morning.
I did some Steve Ross yoga from YouTube. It kicked my tail and I could only keep up with it for ten minutes, but I was totally into it for the entirety of those ten minutes.
I made pancakes for the boys and Jared. That always means a good start to the day for all of us.
I’ve started laundry and am proceeding with a dedicated laundry day today. Which is a good thing, because Liam’s laundry bin was overflowing.
I’ve accomplished everything on my to-do list for the day except one thing, shredding the month’s worth of old documents and junk mail.
It is only 9:15. Granted, I made a no-fail to-do list. But, still.
I am doing everything I can to stay out of the recliner. I am sitting at the kitchen table to write this. I’ve used the light therapy lamp as an excuse to park it in the recliner, but really, that was just a cop out. I don’t want to be my grandfather, with my kids’ only memories of me sitting in that recliner. I’ve gotten to where I sit in front of the TV for hours upon hours during the day, with my laptop on my lap, working on nothing. Not writing. Not budgeting. Just mindlessly flipping between CNN.com and Facebook. Half the time I have CNN on TV, too, or whatever TV show the boys pick. It is an extremely unhealthy habit, sitting in that recliner.
I am trying to live in the present instead of living in the past.
It is hard to break through when I feel so bad about myself, when everything feels like it takes monumental effort. That’s why I start small.