I’ve resisted writing outside my journals about this for a couple of weeks now. But, I think I need to talk about this in this space for healing, as well. I danced around what I am about to write in http://www.rainbowtulip.com/an-end/
Someone I was once close to is going through a foreclosure. I was the one who had to tell them it was going to happen, because I was the one who discovered it was happening. For reasons I won’t go into here, they haven’t lived in the house in question for a while.
I was on Zillow for unrelated reasons about two weeks ago and saw a familiar house listed for auction. I knew from previous interactions that there was a plan in place such that this person was supposed to be maintaining two houses, only really living in one of them. I was also sure that if plans had been made to relinquish the house which was pending foreclosure, I was pretty certain I would have heard about it from the person, but not 100% certain. So, I reached out because if the situation was reversed, I’d want to know, just in case in some weird situation, they were unaware of the auction. I figured the person knew and was being private about it, which of course was well within their rights. However, sure enough– this person had no idea there were foreclosure proceedings going on in relation to this house.
The entire situation is crazy. I am unclear on how they didn’t know, as banks don’t just yank a house out from underneath you without multiple attempts over months to contact you, via more than one contact method. The auction is going through for sure at this point though, and this family has for sure lost the house no matter what. The only way it affects me is by like that chill in the air that happens sometimes when a creepy thought happens. There’s more to explain about what I mean by that but I am still trying to maintain this person’s privacy so I can’t go into it here because their identity will be obvious if I explain. I remember what it would have felt like if someone had gone broadcasting their feelings about our bankruptcy several years ago.
I resisted writing about this at all because I wanted to respect privacy and all and it’s none of my business, except it’s been pretty brutal to my peace of mind over the past two weeks. I’ve been nearly in-the-bed-depressed and I’ve been unable to get anything done around the house. At first I thought it had brought back PTSD-like issues because of the fact that Jared and I nearly lost our house in 2013. But now I am pretty sure it’s more because of the nature of my previous relationship with this person.
I’ve been having really vivid, strange dreams over the course of the past two weeks, dreams which were obviously related to the foreclosure situation. I go whole years without having a dream I remember but I’ve had three in the past two weeks that I can remember very vividly. Last night’s dream in particular was extremely violent and gory.
As sorry as I am for the family in question, I am interpreting my most recent dream to mean my role in the situation is over. I now need to refocus my efforts on getting my peace of mind back. Which is why I am writing this post. And for the first time in well over a week, I don’t feel like climbing back in bed to sleep until 11:00 am. That is a good sign.
Maybe before the day is over I’ll feel like tackling painting a dining room wall. I do have three more of those to go for the dining room to be done.